bitchy | Telegraph: Princess Kate is ‘the perfect British princess that Meghan could never be’

It’s really something to watch everything that unfolded this week. The Sussexes got a new Netflix contract, and one day after that announcement, the trailer for With Love, Meghan’s Season 2 was released. Kensington Palace, eager to ride Meghan’s coattails specifically, released the Princess of Wales’s second video in her “Mother Nature/Four Seasons” collection. KP has also pushed a storyline that Kate owns Christmas, and that WLM’s holiday special is Meghan trying to steal Kate’s Christmas thunder. Enter the Telegraph’s columnist Judith Woods, who barfed out: “The proof that Kate’s the perfect British princess that Meghan could never be: As the Princess of Wales and the Duchess of Sussex release blockbusting sequels on the same day, there can only be one winner.” Not to be nitpicky, but Kate and Meghan didn’t release their videos on the same day – Kate released her idiotic “Summer” video one day after the WLM trailer. Anyway, this Telegraph piece starts out as purely bilious about Meghan, but I think Woods “had” to do that just so she could be shady about Kate. Some highlights:

The bees: Earlier this year, in the first promo for her Netflix lifestyle show With Love, Meghan we saw the Duchess of Montecito, 44, stocking up on honey from someone else’s garden (don’t ask) with a view to flogging it at £5,000 (or whatever) for a royal – or at least royal-adjacent – jar. So imagine my surprise that Kate’s only gone and pointedly filmed loads of British bees collecting patriotic pollen in Britain. Uh-oh. I expect Harry’s lawyers are already onto it. That man lives to litigate, bless his huffy heart.

Kate’s video: Kate’s new offering, entitled Summer, on the other hand is far from obvious. In truth, it’s so nuanced, it’s (whisper it) initially hard to see the point, which is really rather lovely – that we should reach out to others and enjoy our beautiful landscape and coastline in the height of summer. “It has never been more important to appreciate the value of one another, and of Mother Nature,” she writes at the end. “Here’s to Summer. C.”

Britain’s countryside ambassador: In recent times, the Princess of Wales has become the de facto ambassador of Britain’s countryside and in many ways Summer is the perfect party (un) political broadcast for the Royal family, summing up the quiet yet essential values of continuity and community against a sylvan backdrop that may indeed heal the soul, but doesn’t really exist anymore. But she doesn’t make an appearance, which frankly is a big mistake. Huge. I have the feeling that she didn’t want to make it about her, which is admirable and indeed on brand.

These people want to mock Kate’s Four Seasons videos so badly: Now, cards on the table, I could watch bees all day but I lost interest when it came to the picnicking families and little ballerinas in pale dresses and pumps skipping carefree in the grass. Maybe in Sandringham. Out here in broken Britain, they’d get dog muck on their shoes and a telling-off from the illegal immigrants who live in that tree. This paean to cherishing “the bonds of love and friendship” presents such a soft-focus view of Britain, I was expecting the sound of leather against willow. I can only assume old maids bicycling to Holy Communion through the mists of the autumn mornings will be in the follow-up. But next time can we have Kate gathering windfalls? Treading grapes? Driving a 16-ton combine harvester? Please?

Kate needs to actually show up at some point: Yes, a great deal of Kate’s charisma derives from her instinctive ability to let those about her shine, whether they are charity bosses or little children. Facilitating connection and community is the unique power of the House of Windsor at its best. But we need an intervention by some venerable retainer who can kindly, authoritatively reassure her that her calm, collected presence could never be construed as showboating. By comparison, Meghan is a natural performer who will always be – crave to be – the star. The camera loves her smile but allowing others to have their moment simply isn’t in her skill set. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. But it is a thing.

Meghan was never a team player! This latest foray into film provides further proof she would never have fitted in at The Firm, where team playing is the order of the day. Team playing and not saying nonsensical things like “There are easy ways to show up, lovingly”, while wasting fancy packaging on jammy biscuits so remedial a seven-year-old would roll their eyes.

Kate vs. Meghan: Her late, great Majesty Elizabeth II once sagely observed “we have to be seen to be believed”, an adage that has seen many a working royal through tedious civic engagements or gruelling overseas tours. As a working royal, this embodies Kate’s role – subject, of course, to health considerations. She is, after all, our future Queen. Meghan has never enjoyed playing second fiddle, but if she wants to rehabilitate herself, she would do well to take her cue from the Princess of Wales, who unerringly shows that respect is earned, not through TV specials and triteness, but acts of service and thoughtful contributions to national life.

[From The Telegraph]

For years, Kate and her people have always pushed the head-to-head comparison with Meghan because Kate knows the racist, sycophantic, anti-American press in Britain will always find some way to twist every situation into “Kate wins.” This is just another version of that, nevermind that Meghan dipped out of this toxic cycle over five years ago and Kate is the only one clinging to this “competition.” It was actually smart of KP to release Kate’s “Summer” video on the heels of the WLM trailer, because now commentators have to roll their eyes as they pour faux-praise on it. If you look beyond the headlines and if you’re well-versed on Britspeak snark, you can see that they know full well that Kate is dumb as a box of wiglets and her four seasons videos are laughably stupid.

Photos courtesy of Avalon Red, Instar, Backgrid, Cover Images, Netflix and Kensington Palace.