I finally got around to watching Marty Supreme… and was supremely disappointed. It’s not that I can’t stand an unlikable lead character — I dare say sometimes I prefer that! But with each unfolding scene, I kept thinking, “It’s like this film is DARING you to enjoy any moment of it.” Plus, without spoiling anything (as if you could), I totally did not feel the last scene was earned. It was beautifully acted by Timothée Chalamet, but it was not believable based on the 149 minutes prior. (Also, what a waste of Fran Drescher and Sandra Bernhard!) Still, there was one, fleeting moment that I did actually get a real kick out of, and it was all Gwyneth Paltrow! Gwynnie plays an actress who makes a big comeback on the stage, and there’s a moment where her back is to the audience but the camera is on her face as they’re applauding her. It was sheer perfection! Hilarious and honest and so relatable. It reminded me that, damn, Gwyneth is a really good actress! If only she’d stuck to that instead of the overpriced, under-scienced monstrosity that is Goop.
And speaking of, Goop Kitchen unveiled its first NYC storefront last month, which is why Gwyneth was on The Today Show this week to film a cooking segment. Gluten-free, grain-free turkey meatballs were on the menu, and Gwyneth shared a tip no trained chef has ever uttered before: arugula is a good substitute for dairy.
On May 27, Gwyneth appeared on the show alongside Savannah Guthrie and Carson Daly to make her gluten-free, grain-free turkey meatballs.
But while her Goop Kitchen recipe used a cup of Parmesan, Gwyneth opted for an unexpected substitute. “If you want to avoid dairy, one trick that I do is I dice up arugula, and I put it in,” she said, leaving Savannah visibly shocked.
“It sounds weird, but it kind of adds a nice texture to it, and it’s delicious,” Gwyneth insisted.
Reacting to the clip, which has been viewed over three million times on Instagram, internet users couldn’t help but poke fun at Gwyneth’s replacement:
“If you want to avoid arugula you can just replace it with a little dairy. Sounds crazy, I know”
“I just added arugula to my morning coffee—in lieu of dairy—in my stories, feel free to see how it turned out”
“I’ll try it in my coffee right now!”
“When I don’t have milk for my pancake mix, I just add lawn clippings🤷🏻♂️”
“If you want to avoid arugula you can just put some dirt in it sounds weird but it kind of adds a nice texture to it?
“When I run out of croutons for my salad, I just grab a handful of mulch from my garden”
But at the same time, some people found the replacement disheartening:
“The way we have normalized being a afraid of food is wild”
“That just makes me feel sad”
Meanwhile, others questioned if the entire thing was “satire”:
“Is this rage bait”
“This is satire surely hahahahhaa”
“What a wild take”
Ok, before we even bite into the main course, I have to point out that Chef Goop was at peak Gwyneth right from the start. Carson Daly takes the mushrooms she just rough cut and puts them on the burner, telling Gwyneth that he also went ahead and added the garlic for her. This is how Gwyneth said thank you: “Ok, I would’ve done that later, but whatever.” Priceless! See, I told you I enjoy unlikable characters on screen! And then the arugula of it all… Savannah Guthrie didn’t merely look shocked, she flat out said, “Really?! That’s weird.” The thing that’s so distinctive about arugula is that it’s peppery, which is not an adjective I typically associate with dairy! But this is where the internet served its best purpose, because these comments are positively sending me. “I just added arugula to my morning coffee” is brilliant. And as for the suggestion this was satire, well it is, but wholly unintentionally on Chef Goop’s part. And true to form, Gwyneth rounded out the segment with a very lofty, self-important explanation for what Goop Kitchen is: “We helped busy working parents feel really good about takeout.”
Lastly, Goop made headlines a couple weeks ago for massive layoffs, saying they were “pivoting to AI.” Can’t wait to see how AI will make all those meatballs.
Photos credit: SS/Avalon, Jeffrey Mayer/Avalon, Maddie Knight/The Academy/Avalon, Image Press Agency/Image Press Agency/Avalon and via YouTube
