Hayden Panettiere was walking through an airport when she saw a headline that felt like she had been ‘stabbed in the heart’.
Panettiere, 36, described the moment she saw a magazine headline that read, “Why Hayden Panettiere gave up her daughter”, after she relinquished full custody of her now 11-year-old child, Kaya, to her ex-fiancé Wladimir Klitschko, 50.
At an event to discuss her memoir This Is Me: A Reckoning, the Nashville star said: “You might as well have taken a knife and stabbed me in the heart.”
“If anyone knew me, they [would] know that I would do absolutely anything for my daughter,” she said, Page Six reported.
“And sometimes that means not what you want as a mum or what’s going to make you feel good as a parent, but what’s best for them.”
Panettiere explained she was “so guilt-ridden” about being “completely incapable” of caring for her daughter amid her struggles with mental health and addiction.
“The worst thing that somebody said to me is that it was a personal choice that I was making,” she said.
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“Who would choose to feel like this? How could you even say that to me? This beautiful child is healthy and everything to celebrate,” she continued.
“And I’m completely incapable of doing it. I felt so guilt ridden that I was incapable of doing it.”
Panettiere had previously opened up about her postpartum depression and struggles with addiction following a traumatic birth experience in 2014 during which she nearly died.
She signed over full custody to her ex, a former professional boxer, in 2018, and frequently visits Kaya in Ukraine.
“I don’t want her ever to read it and think any of it was her fault,” Panettiere said of what she hoped her daughter would come to understand about her book, People reported.
“I love her so dearly. [It’s a lot for an] 11-year-old to process that. I’ll continue protecting her, especially while she’s young.”
